Relapse(?)

TW
I've been kinda relapsing lately. Not bad, just decreased the amount I eat to some below 2000cals. In the first days my weight decreased, then suddenly INcreased and I'm nearly the same as before, eating less and less. It's horrible, my anxiety is sky high, my weight is healthy, but my eating has become more and more disordered and I feel exhausted, sad and just horrible in general. I want to live, but everything seems too much right now and I'm afraid that my metabolism has shut down and I will gain and gain and gain...

Ach Süße Das tut mir so leid! (muss nur in Englisch wechseln)

What you're describing is typical for a relapse: the axienty, the fear of gaining all over again. You have two choices now:
1) go on with relapsing, be stuck in this cycle for a longer time
2) go immediately back on track with eating 2500-3000+++ and no exercise etc
Your body is afraid. As you followed the MM guidelines, you promised your body you'd nourish it well, give it the energy it needs. Now, as you're decreasing/RESTRICTING, your body tries storing as much as possible! It's afraid of the lack of nutrients, the lack of energy... so your weight stays the same.
It is your choice now. Anorexia - or life.