What is the most bizzare/funny/weird thing your eating disorder has made you think/do?

ok here goes:
I always eat with the smallest spoon
Never eat more than half a snack bar at once ( used to eat half for breakfast and save the other half for lunch)
I would always eat only red apples for dinner I would never touch green ones???!!
I always have to finish the last when eating
Never let my mom cook for me because I was afraid she would add a lot of fat (oil,butter etc....) to make me fat
Once I stopped drinking water because I thought it made me gain
Make desserts and high calorie food for my family watch them eat it and ask them how it tastes but i never tasted any
make timings for how long it takes me to eat something ( for example it has to take me AT LEAST 15 mins to eat an APPLE!!)
there are many many more

-thinking "I'd rather die than eat a whole cake if I had too"
-I used one special sooon for everything
-If any of my friends mentioned doing something I would literally think to myself "no Id rather just stay home and feel starved"
-hated to shower because I didn't want to look at my stomach
-more interested in the food someone posted on Instagram, snapchat, etc. than anything else

Planning all my meals - up to three weeks in advance, because it made me feel less hungry if I knew that I would have food in the future.

When eating salad with dressing, I would always pick the leaves from the top of the bowl, because I thought there would be less dressing.

omg it's scary how much I can recognize my own behavior in all of your posts!
- having to measure every single thing, even spinach and broccoli and freaking out when accidentally pouring 5 more grams of oats into my oatmeal (which I of course only prepared with water and I remember one time full on yelling at my friend for using skimmed milk instead)
- not allowing anyone to prepare/touch my food out of fear of them somehow adding more calories
- eating only soup for dinner for months and months because everything else wasn't allowed
- when out with friends I always had to make sure that every single one of them ate more than me so I could somehow justify eating all calories I'd have never consumed otherwise
- also convincing my friend and her family (while being on vacation together) that I didn't like pasta and making her mom buy me instant soup instead

god and to think that I was so so sure that I was only being healthy and taking care of my body, yeah alright also I'm still shocked at how good I became at lying and making sure nobody suspected anything, I think that's the weirdest thing my ED made me to, lying to most of my friends and family, because I never ever did that before.

- I was SO selective with food because my limit of calories was too low to throw them away in something I didnt liked that much. When this got extreme just any food qualified to this precious calories, I don't even now how somebody dared to take me to a restaurant (hours to choose what to order)
- I ate veeeeery slow just to run out of food and eat less.
- I thought that constipation was making me fatter because the body would use poop as energy instead of using the food I ate.