What to do when sick & have to eat ?

To all of you, I am terribly sorry ... my English will be very poor.... I am french, live in Paris and have been reading every single lines of Amalie blog.

It been now almost 20 years i am suffering of ED (anorexia, bulumia-purging.....).
I have decided to take my life back whatever anorexia thinks !

I have just started refeeding 3 days ago, and I must say it is very very very hard for me and I am always about to give up and slip back.

I you challenged ....why not me also!

Yesterday night at diner time I was so full, discomfort, bloated, nauseous, gazy...name it ...it was what I was experimenting.
Impossible to eat but if i start skipping meal it will get me no where, so I ate...few hours later i was so sick i unwillingly thow up.

I felt so bad ... physicaly and mentaly (for not having able to cope & digest this meal)

So my question is : what shall I do when I just can eat without throwing up afterwards one day for one meal ? still eat and see what ever happens ?

I am ONLY at 1300/1400 cal / day....

thanks and love !

oh my 20 years is such a long time, I'm so sorry to hear that! Amalie once suggested to make smoothies, you can easily make a smoothie with 1000 calories with using ice cream, whipped cream, milk, dates, nutbutters etc.. and it won't make you that full. you can also try to get nutri drinks, like fresubin for example, 200ml fresubin have 400kcal so it's easier to get enough in xx

Congrates for fighting

1. you should really try to work with a doctor and therapist

2. Your body is not used to food anymore. Try to eat calorie dense things like nuts, avocado, full fat dairy, chocolate etc. Also eat 6 times a day (or more often if you want to). Perhaps it would help you to start with easily digestible food: potatoe mash, oatmeal etc. Vegetables and whole wheat products should be avoided esp if you struggle with fullness.
Remember that you are in recovery: EVERY food you eat is healthier than not to eat it. Don't skip the 'unhealthy' foods: they only help your body to heal. Perhaps nutrition drinks/ calorie dense shakes would help?

3. Your intake is far too low to recover/live on, but you should now that from the letsrecover blog, where is also described how to increase

Hope this was helpful <3

Thanks for first thoughts !!!

Morning is oats + fruits + milk or bread + cheese (but having very hard time digesting it) + jam or/and honey + fruit

I read how to increase meals as I am aware that what I currently eat is way not enough...but still completely lost regarding how and what to eat and how much.

In 20 years I lost all hungry feelings...I have to put a ring bell on the clock to remember that I have to eat my "mini meal"

Don't now what beeing hungry is, don't now how a plate looks like, don't now what to eat (no meat, more pescarian), don't know how much to eat to start (50g veggies + 50g cooked carbs + dollop oïl + 1Tbsp pulses ?????)

I lost all my food bearings....

oups forgot to mention that sweet food triggers binge-purging

If any one could help me out with an easy meal plan to follow to start back eating !!!!!

I don't want to act as if I could make you a meal plan... But ideas:

GENERALLY: add nuts, butter/oil, cream to your meals

Breakfast: sneak some shredded coconut in, increase the amount of oats and rather decrease the fruit
Add butter on your bread

Snacks: granola bar+banana or nuts+dried fruit or milkshake or bread+BUTTER+cheese

Lunch: I'd say at least 50g dry weight pasta/rice, salmon is a very healthy fish you could eat,

Snack:see morningsnack or yogurt+muesli, bread+nutbutter or pastry or cookies

Dinner: see lunch, or white bread+cheese
Snack: full fat milk or banana+nutbutter or sweets or crisps

There's so much food, really, you 'just' have to let yourself have it. Don't stick with low calorie, clean food. All the things I listed here are less than other ppl eat (eg many eat 100g dry weight pasta and look fabulous

I don't know if you have instagram but on @recovery_guide are some pics of how plates look like in recovery. I know you're in the beginning, but just as an idea for you

Thanks, I will try to "copy" meal picture and get inspired from them even if i can not visualise quantities

Last night i ate a whole place (250g with bones) that I fried in the pan w olive oil. I have never done this for 20 years (i will the biggest challenge form me.
Once it was cook i pondered longely looking at this piece of fried fish ... I almost ate is eyes closed.
But during the night I have been sick....and trew up...my stomach was upside down
Have I been a little too reckless or enthousiast? too early to eat fried food ?

This morning I tried a bit of butter (not much) and chocolate spread (a little also)
everything went ok
but this afternoon i must try not to think thtat i ate butter and chocolate

i have to get rid of my mind of the previous meal each time in order not to compensate afterwards

i have the feeling i eat as much as a baby and have no idea what a "correct" plate looks like
i guess i have to start small to get used to food and fat as is has been 20 years zero fat and mostly veg / fruits, little carbs.....
*****
Lunch time, i ate probably total 300 cal food worth (veggies & red beans, goat cheese, fruits & brioche & dried fruits). aterwards I had to leave my appartment, i was about to binge...needed air as i was so full.
Came back and trew up.

It seems that i can not stomach any "new" food compare what I am used to eat on an everyday basis.

I still have to take my mi day snack: will have a cooked apple i am so sick and nauseous