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Feeling Guilty

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1Feeling Guilty Empty Feeling Guilty on Fri Nov 14, 2014 7:37 pm

I've been attempting to recover for three and a half weeks now. I've done okay- trying to listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry, not beat myself up for eating, etc. I admit that I've skipped a few meals since beginning recovery, but yesterday marked five days straight that I'd eaten all three meals (and snacks). My body image was so bad last night/this morning (I ate a LOT last night. I kept eating because I was still hungry and I knew that it was okay and that I was doing the right thing, but I still felt like I was overeating and felt really fat), and I couldn't stand it anymore. I skipped breakfast this morning, and lunch this afternoon, and I haven't drunken anything all day. I was feeling proud of myself for skipping and I was planning on keeping doing it, and only eating dinner from now on, which is what I did during my ED.
But I just kind of realized what I'm doing to myself. I realized that I'm letting my ED control me and I'm ashamed that I did it. I'm feeling very guilty now for skipping. I had the longest streak of days I hadn't skipped and I was really wanting to make it to one week, but I ruined everything. I feel weak and stupid but at the same time, I don't want to change anything. I want to recover but I don't. My thoughts are just so jumbled and dark right now and I don't know what to do Crying or Very sad

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2Feeling Guilty Empty Re: Feeling Guilty on Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:00 pm

Give yourself some compliments for doing alot of good things. You're not going to win the war in a few weeks, but the fact that you're fighting the small battles is good Smile The war is not lot just because you lost one battle! Try a bit every day, and don't let yesterday ruin today Smile As for me, I tried not to focus on my body during the first months of recovery. You can deal with the changes later when your brain has healed a bit. It maybe easier to deal with it then.

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