Therapist wants me to maintain low goal weight

My therapist told me that 3000kcal were too much for my body. Now that I'm on a healthy BMI anyway, I try to listen to my hunger cues and make sure it's ~2500.

But I'm still gaining on that amount, which ofc terrifies me. The new issue is, that my therapist wants me to maintain on my goal weight, I'm already over that by 1.5 kilos and still gaining... So She'll probably tell me to eat less and less until I stop gaining...

Ofc when I am honest to me and her I say that I don't want to gain anymore, BUT I also don't want to control my weight for the rest of my life. I don't want to fix myself on that weight and live in fear to go over it. I guess I just want to find my set point weight, but
1. I'm so afraid that I won't stop gaining and
2. I'm afraid that she thinks I will be fat because I eat too much and go over BMI XX...

I hope it's not triggering, I'm just so scared and on my highest weight since my ed (over 2.5 years) and argh...

First: change therapist because she's full of crap. The risk of relapsing is much higher at bmi xx (it's on the edge of underweight for crying out loud!) than if you go above 20. Then you will have some extra in case you get ill or something. And if your bmi should be even higher than 20 it's where your body wants to be. To answer your questions:
1. You will stop gaining. Maybe you can see a decrease in the rate you're increasing now.
2. BMI is a bad health indicator. You're healthier if you reach the BMI your body wants that if you stop now.

Since you're asking these questions in the first place, I think you really know what the answers are. Be strong and choose real recovery <3

I see your point that she's wrong in this point, but my therapist is really a wonderful woman who helps me a lot.

I'm just afraid and panicked as I'm at a 'healthy' BMI. But I really really hope that what you said will hold for me, even though I'm short etc.

Thank you for your answer❤️

BMI is not a great indicator, but your still increasing weight is. Your body clearly wants to increase more. Your height should not matter. You still need enough body fat to maintain healthy and keep will well within a healthy BMI. What I'm afraid will happen if you try to maintain on bmi xx is that you have to eat far less than normal. Maybe you need to eat less than 2000 kcal to maintain that number and that's not enough to remain healthy. It's not possible to decrease your set point weight (there's an article on youreatopia.com on this topic, but I'm not allowed to post links here yet) and thus it's not possible to remain healthy below the point where your body wants to be.

Sorry about the misspellings, my mobile keyboard is living its own life here

This is a very dangerous, unhealthy and toxic situation. I can only imagine how triggering that must be for you. The healthy part of you know that being on the verge of underweight and keep on counting to maintain forever is extremely disordered for your mental and physical health. It is heartbreaking when those who treat us ends up making us worse. Most therapists would be shocked and angry if they heard this! I was clearly told multiple times that I could not balance on the underweight-line, and that I should stop counting calories. Percent-wise, your risk of relapsing at such a low bmi is MUCH higher! I would even go as far as saying that you'll never recover in the first place.
You know whats right. You can not let this therapist with a lack of knowledge determine your life. For her, you are just another case, a job. For you, it is everything. If you listen to her, you have to spend the rest of your life trapped like this. You will be very bitter and miserable.
Ask your therapist for an explanation of these claims; why you should watch your intake and not gain weight. Why you should maintain a weight that is too low for most people. Show her sources from letsrecover.tumblr.com. I also recommend you to gain those last kgs on 3000 calories. Why has also been explained on letsrecover.tumblr.com.

Thank you, Amalie, for your answer!

I tried to explain MM to my therapist, but she doesn't believe the 3000 calorie thing.

I'm now gaining, in the healthy weight range, and eating ~2500 calories a day. (Which is roughly what my hunger is.)
Should I really increase again?
I mean- would I stop gaining on that amount?

I'm already over that goal weight by 1.5kg and still gaining and not willing to restrict now.
It is really a tricky situation for me because my therapist is helpful for other issues, just not in this point.

I was in the exact same situation as you not too long ago. My ED doctor encouraged quasi-recovery and wanted me to stop gaining weight after I had reached a BMI of 19. However, I continued to eat minimums (3000 calories) and eventually started eating by my hunger cues which lead me to around 2500 calories a day. When I went back to my doctor last month, she said that my BMI had stayed the same since the last time I was there. Although she thinks it was because I upped my exercise and decreased my food intake, it was actually the complete opposite. I followed MM (minimums and no exercise) and was able to stop gaining weight. I know how scared you are about gaining and gaining, but IT WILL STOP! I eat half a pint of ice cream everyday and haven't gained a pound in over a month. Not to mention all the amazing food I can now enjoy (pizza, potatoes, cookies, cereal, etc.) without feeling guilty. Just remember, you are NOT a unicorn and you WILL stop gaining weight. If your therapist is pressuring you to lose weight or stop gaining it before you reach your set point, maybe you should stop seeing him/her, at least for a while.

lexi_henry16 wrote:I was in the exact same situation as you not too long ago. My ED doctor encouraged quasi-recovery and wanted me to stop gaining weight after I had reached a BMI of 19. However, I continued to eat minimums (3000 calories) and eventually started eating by my hunger cues which lead me to around 2500 calories a day. When I went back to my doctor last month, she said that my BMI had stayed the same since the last time I was there. Although she thinks it was because I upped my exercise and decreased my food intake, it was actually the complete opposite. I followed MM (minimums and no exercise) and was able to stop gaining weight. I know how scared you are about gaining and gaining, but IT WILL STOP! I eat half a pint of ice cream everyday and haven't gained a pound in over a month. Not to mention all the amazing food I can now enjoy (pizza, potatoes, cookies, cereal, etc.) without feeling guilty. Just remember, you are NOT a unicorn and you WILL stop gaining weight. If your therapist is pressuring you to lose weight or stop gaining it before you reach your set point, maybe you should stop seeing him/her, at least for a while.

But you did decrease to about 2500 by following hunger cues? Or did you weight start dropping after you stopped eating 3000?

When I first started following MM, it was really easy for me to reach minimums because I was so malnourished, but after about 3 months of following MM my starvation symptoms were gone and I realized that although possible, reaching 3000 calories was a little more difficult than in early recovery. I started eating when I was hungry because I could tell that my hunger cues were regulating. My hunger cues lead me to around 2500 calories a day, sometimes more.