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nutritional drinks : pros and cons ? Real food VS nutritinal drinks ?

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A happy birthday mail from my mother
then just after second mail from her teling me how much I hurt her by being anorectic...that I have no idea how hurting it can be seeing her child self destroying and that I will never know as i do not want to have childs....

that she gave up and has no more hope in me restoring, that it is up to me now

that I have destroyed my life, that i screwed thing up....

Nice hein !!

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She loves you so much and of course it hurts her to see you suffer! But you have the power to make her happy again Smile

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what the point? I new she said it ...that she do not has anymore faith in me !!!!!

It is hurting, true, but hurting

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It's something she is saying to protect herself from hurt. She doesn't mean that in her heart.

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but why writing it then and for my birthday

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She is just hurt. Byt you can make the next birthday a happier one Smile

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Your family loves you for being happy and healthy, for being YOU instead of a depressed and weak skeleton. Pity is a poor kind of attention and will annoy people at some point

HAVE to convince me of this!

Crazy me...this morning i planned to binged/purge on friday...

But reading what my mother sent ...made me think twince....and trew thing i bought to purge with.

nevertheless....thanks mum....

At first when I read the message I was like...i am such a zero ....i wanted to B/P...

then...."it is not the solution"...second thoughts

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These second thoughts are so great Smile I'm so happy you are turning this into a positive thing Very Happy

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You are definitely stronger than you think! Very Happy

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do you ?
I feel such a week and will less person
I have try so much time to recover and failed EACH time

I keep thinking every day: il will one more time as usual...what the point doing this everyday, trying to recover

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You need to believe in yourself sweetie <3

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will keep you posted if you don't mind and if not TW for you !

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Keep me posted Smile

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Morning Susan,

How are you? I just realised how egoistic I was always complaing on my self but never asking how you feel...

You must also have your ups & downs !

How did you go trough your recovery ? Did you have support? Did you have any naughty things said by beloved ones? How did you fight your demons head (I have to say that they are scary !!)? How did you fight your negative thoughts and feelings when putting on weight (I have weighted e this morning and realised I have put on weight, just 1lbs, but it is still 1 lbs for me and the first thing that ran into my mind was that I have to restrict today...and i realised taht it was non-sens, but first thought was a negative one) what about you, how did you feel when you realised that figures were going up and up and up? did you made de décision one morning to recover and never has to remind yourself of it? Or did you want to give up or maybe made several tries before making the ultimate one and won the battle?

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It's OK Smile 

I'm not done recovering yet, but I've come a long way. I'm 5 months in now, and I don't know how long it will continue. I've had support from a doctor and a psychologist from the beginning and that has helped me a lot. The doctor weighs me regularly without me knowing the number on the scale. I've noticed that my size has increased and it gives me all of those same thoughts as you have. But I've realized that every time a bad thought comes, I have to fight it. And with time the demons will give up because they see that I can't be broken down again. 

I really do believe that your mother only wants what's best for you, but she doesn't know what to do. She is scared and exhausted and doesn't know what she can say to make you do the right thing. I also experienced this with my parent. They were trying to make me feel bad about being sick because they thought that it would make me choose to get better. But what they did not understand was that this feeling of guilt only makes it worse as guilt is what drives the disease in the wrong direction. Their reaction was completely human and understandable  - but not helpful. The same goes for your mother. My parents realized how this didn't help me after some years and they got better at helping me. If you think it's possible to explain this to you mom (that guilt makes it worse), then I think you should try. If not, get help elsewhere. Go see your doctor and present the treatment you want to follow to her/him and get help from a psychologist. It's possible to do this without help from family.

The decision to recover didn't come easy. I was sitting with my family and talking and suddenly a rush of anger towards my disease hit me. That day I decided to eat a little bit more. The next day I revisited all the articles I knew about on letsrecover.tumblr.com and youreatopia.com and wrote down a detailed recovery plan for myself. I made a diagram with the expected weight gain, the water retension, the different phases of recovery and the rules I have to follow. The next days I started to increase my intake gradually (but faster than I had planned due to extreme hunger) and after 4 days I showed this diagram to my doctor and with her approval I increased to 2500+. I think that the most important thing I did was to make this MY OWN project. I decided that it was MY task, MY responsibility, MY commitment and MY LIFE. 

Through recovery there has been many ups and downs, but every time I hit a bump in the road I try to remind myself that there is only one way to get through this - forward, not backwards. And I have stumbled a lot (I'm only human), but I know that if I ever to be happy again I need to do what I KNOW is right, not what the ED THINKS is right.

You can do this too. Everyone can. But it takes time, patience and resilience like you have never experienced before. But we have to remind ourselves that it is worth it  I love you

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Have you gained a lot of weight within 5 months ? Did you have a lot to put on? And now?
Have you ever binge/purged, if so how did you cope with ? Did you ever relapsed during your recovery process or have you been always straight forwards ?

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My weight gain feels quite private to me, but I went from being very underweight to a normal healthy weight. 

I did purge a few times before I started recovery, but after I decided to get well, I never did that. 
I've had days during recovery where I know I haven't eaten enough (300-500 kcal too little) but instead of thinking too much about it I've tried to correct the following day. Recovery isn't a straight forward process for anyone, but it's important that we don't give up just because of a few bad days.

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I understand your private garden.

Have you had binge/purge surge during recovery...sometimes the "i ate too much so, i screwed, so what the heck, i binge then purge"??
How did you tackle this problem ?

Or the I can increase more my intake...or today i feel so bad i can eat? did you ever skipped a meal or ate almost nothing because you physically really felt bad? Or did you push even if you were on the verge to throw up?

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I did not experience purging during recovery. 
Sometimes it felt horrible to eat, but I still tried to push in food. If I feel very sick with food I try to eat something energy dense, like chocolate or drink chocolate milk.

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If you feel that I am getting intrusive let me know.

I must say that you baffle me ! You are so perfect compare to me.....I admire you so much....I admire your determination and willpower so much for not having relapsed once !

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You're not intruding Smile 

I also have days where it's hard to follow the guidelines perfectly. But I guess I'm more afraid of what will happen if I don't eat enough than if I do. For example, the chance of my metabolism never getting fixed is greater if I eat too little. In other words, the chance of me getting bigger than my set-point is greater if I don't eat enough. 

I guess I have a strong willpower, but so do you. Let anger flush through your body and make you strong!

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I may be stubborn but i really do not understand the "you will gain more weight on 1200 cal than on 2500+" even with this metabolism speeding up" thing

Makes me still dubitative

it is true that when I was inpatient I needed huge amount of food to gain 100g/day (i would finish other girls food tray they even suspected / accused me of purging after...I would hide to eat more)

but now it afraids me to do so...silly thoughts ...it reveals that I am maybe not ready to recover ???

Each night I struggle to have my nutritionnal pudding but i still have it reluctantly

everything is so messed up

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But then you do know that this makes sense. You have experienced it. Why should your body work different this time? THAT makes no sense.

You will never be ready to recover - meaning you will never feel like "today is the day". But you have to start anyways!

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well i have started not so started, just as if it looks like "slow motion start" (?) vs "normal speed"

started without beeing convinced (?) knowing that i have to push up from 1300 (now) to 2500 (for my age & height)

yes indeed: NO SENSE

weighting myself is Triggering, not weighting myself is triggering...which one is most triggering: not weighting AND weighting

how stupid and nonsense this can be

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you must find me exasperating Rolling Eyes

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